


Love Is Watching Someone Die

by protectginozasquad



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: I'm Sorry, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-05
Updated: 2016-04-05
Packaged: 2018-05-31 11:42:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6468838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/protectginozasquad/pseuds/protectginozasquad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Suga was the only one who knew. Maybe he was wrong to keep Hinata's secret, but it didn't matter. It was too late now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Is Watching Someone Die

Suga was the only one who knew. 

As he watched Hinata stumble backward, shaky and awkward, the world slowed down. Involuntarily, Suga’s eyes went straight to Kageyama. 

Suga heard Hinata’s body fall, but his eyes went next to Daichi. Poor Daichi, Suga thought. He always blamed himself. Most of the team did. 

Maybe he should have told them. Maybe he was wrong to keep Hinata’s secret. 

Kageyama and Daichi both, quick as could be, rushed to the young spiker’s side. 

Kageyama was the first to fall to his knees, hands hovering over the Hinata’s no-longer-breathing body.

+++ 

_One Month Earlier_

“Suga-san,” Hinata’s voice was tense over the phone. 

“What’s wrong, Hinata? Coach said you had remedial lessons. It's not like you to miss practice.” Suga felt his chest tighten as he stepped outside of the gym. Practice was about to end, and his phone had buzzed. He ignored the feeling in his chest, because it was fear. He was usually right when he was afraid. 

“I’m, um, I’m at the doctor. I’m s-scared.” 

“Okay, okay. What can I do to help?” 

“Can you come? My mom is here but sh-she’s not handling anything well.” 

“Of course I can come. You didn't have remedial lessons, then?"

There was silence on the other end of the line. 

“Coach doesn’t need to know about this,” Hinata said tensely. He had guessed at the question behind Suga's statement. 

“Do you want me to bring Kageyama with me?” 

“No!” Hinata yelped.

“Alright, alright.” 

If Hinata’s mom wasn’t able to handle whatever this news was, Suga wasn’t sure how he was supposed to. Still, if he was the one Hinata trusted, what else was there to do?

“I’ll be there soon,” Suga said softly before hanging up. He walked out the gym door, slipping away without telling Daichi where he was going. He would have to think of an excuse later, because something deep in his gut told him that whatever this was would remain unsaid. 

He hurried from the gym to the clinic more than he usually would have. The tightness in Hinata’s voice, subdued crying in the background of the call - none of this boded well. 

When Suga walked through the door, an eerie sight greeted him. Hinata sat in a chair, looking lifeless and empty. Suga rushed over to him.

“Hinata-kun, I’m here.” 

Hinata looked up, face pale and taut. 

“Suga-san, you came.” 

“I said I would, didn’t I?” 

“Do you want to tell me what it is?” Suga asked, voice quiet. He didn’t want to rush Hinata.

“It’s, um,” Hinata’s voice was uncharacteristically tight. “It’s my heart. They say they can’t do anything about it. That it will just stop someday.” 

Suga swallowed. He didn’t want to ask. 

Hinata’s mother was trying to hold herself together as she stood at the cashier window, paying for whatever visit this was, and failing miserably. Muffled sobs escaped her as she opened her checkbook. The receptionist was making soothing noises, to no avail. Suga was glad, somehow, that Hinata had called him. He couldn’t imagine how she must be feeling. 

“Soon?” 

Tears welled up in Hinata’s eyes as he stared at the older setter. “Any day now.” His voice was small, broken. It was nothing like the Hinata that Suga knew and loved. 

“How long has this been going on?” 

Hinata shrugged, staring at the wall behind Suga’s head. “I felt funny after practice a few weeks ago, so mom brought me to the doctor. They’ve been doing tests since then.” 

“Does Kageyama know?” 

“No!” Hinata’s unfocused eyes went sharp. “And I'm not going to tell him.” 

Suga’s heart sank. He couldn’t be angry with Hinata. The poor boy was so small and scared anyway. But Kageyama would be devastated. Suga tried not to think about what he now knew was inevitable. 

“He can’t know that I’m going to leave him,” Hinata squeaked out. 

Suga almost smiled. Almost. Hinata was so kind and cared for Kageyama so much, even when he was the most scared he had surely ever been.

“Could it be, Hinata,” he hoped not to overstep his bounds, “that you’re afraid to say goodbye?” He wasn’t sure what drove him to ask. Maybe he thought it would convince Hinata to tell Kageyama. 

First one tear spilled down Hinata’s cheek, then another, and another after that. He simply nodded, and Suga took Hinata’s hand gently. 

“I’m scared, Suga-san.”

“It’s alright,” he squeezed Hinata’s hand, looked into the big, amber eyes, usually shining with life and hope, now full of nothing but raw terror. 

Suga was lying. It wasn’t alright. 

+++ 

It was as though Suga could hear the exact moment Hinata’s heart stopped beating. 

The sound of Hinata falling was surprisingly loud, even despite his small body. His head cracked against the hard gymnasium floor. 

It only took another two of his own quickened heartbeats for Kageyama to shatter. The setter turned around to look at his partner, eyes wide and unbelieving. Somewhere, a volleyball thudded against the ground, much softer than Hinata’s body, but just as lifeless.

“Wh-what? H-Hinata?” 

A moment of utter silence passed, then the response to Hinata’s fall was immediate. High schoolers were screeching, adults were ushering their various responsibilities away, someone was calling for an ambulance, but Suga knew it was too late. Coach Ukai and their sensei rushed to where Hinata had fallen, sensei’s mouth open and confused, broken noises coming from the coach. 

Everything was so loud, but Suga couldn’t hear any of it. 

He couldn’t hear anything except Kageyama landing hard on his knees.

“W-wake up,” Kageyama said, quietly at first, hands hovering above Hinata’s body. “H-hey, we’re in a match here.” 

“Dumbass, wake up!” He knelt down and started to shake the limp body, a container that no longer held Hinata’s warm, comforting spirit. 

Daichi was on his knees, staring dumbly, frozen. Suga had never seen Daichi look so helpless. What was there to do? Suga felt like his own legs were about to give out beneath him, and yet, somehow, he found himself moving forward. No matter how much he had known this day might come, he was still unprepared. But he was more prepared than anyone. 

“Kageyama,” he whispered when he reached Kageyama’s side, not touching him. 

“Wake up!” Kageyama was screaming now, fumbling with Hinata’s limp hands. 

“Sh,” Suga grasped the younger setter’s arm with his hand. “You need to breathe.” 

Kageyama collapsed into him, frame heavy with the sudden grief. Suga wrapped an arm around Kageyama’s shoulders, an emptiness blooming in his chest. It wasn’t his fault, he told himself. 

Hinata had begged the doctors not to tell his coach or his captain. The doctors told him the risks. His mother sobbed, but signed the release form. She couldn’t bear to keep her son from doing the one thing he loved the most, no matter what it meant. It’s not like it would have made a difference. The condition was terminal anyway. 

“Suga,” a voice pulled Suga from his thoughts, the memories of Hinata in the doctor’s office. He looked up, and could tell immediatetly that coach Ukai had sensed something. Suga breathed in sharply. He’d been caught. 

“What the hell happened is going on?” Ukai’s fists were clenched, his jaw was tight. He seemed to know that Hinata was gone, even if the rest of the team stared at the scene, unbelieving. 

Kageyama was still shaking Hinata’s body, silent, terrified sobs wracking his own. He was barely choking out Hinata’s name. 

“What do you mean?” Suga didn’t know why he was bothering trying to hide it. 

“You don’t look surprised,” Ukai paused. “You’re good in a crisis, but you knew about this. Didn’t you?” 

“Hinata-kun,” Suga felt tears spring to his eyes, despite his strange calm. “has,” he swallowed, “had,” another swallow, “a heart condition.” 

Ukai stepped back, fists clenching and unclenching, and Suga felt shame cover him from head to toe. 

“The doctors said that he could keep playing,” Suga began, defensively. “There was nothing they could do anyway.” 

“Why didn’t he tell me?” Kageyama whispered from beside him. 

_Ah._

Suga turned from their coach to look at his fellow setter. He always had been so perceptive. That’s what of the reasons he had overtaken Suga so easily on the court.

“He didn’t want you to have to think about him leaving,” Suga answered truthfully. 

“But here I am,” Kageyama choked out. “Alone. Thinking about how he left. D-dumbass.”

He paused. 

“He left without saying goodbye.” 

Suga was the only one who knew. He was the only one who could have helped Kageyama. 

He had chosen to do nothing. 

Maybe he was wrong to keep Hinata's secret. 

It didn't matter anymore.


End file.
